does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
