Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
