all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
