So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
And then he peed in my hair
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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