8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
