Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
