I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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