I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
