uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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