P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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