I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
