Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
