The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
