i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
