Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
