Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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