Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
