batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
