My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
