Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
