what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
