that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
