Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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