i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
