You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
