if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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