Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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