He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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