he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i drank out of a bidet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
