Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
