State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
