Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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