my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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