Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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