You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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