I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need water and some morals
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
