If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
