Acid is not a monday night drug
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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