before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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