so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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