I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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