it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
