is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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