does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
