We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
