I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
