I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
