guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
