I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
