I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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